How Real am I?

               Jeez, I am just awful at keeping up with this eh?

               Anyways, let’s get a quick update going here. Since my last post I have become unemployed. I have been unemployed for this entire month. I decided to leave my previous employment for lack of better words, “Scheduling conflicts.” Getting consistent work was a struggle and I just decided that it wasn’t worth the hassle anymore.  It may have been smarter to just stay on until I had another job lined up, but it is what it is.  It’s also been quite the drain on my bank account. I learned how to do my own taxes though, so I guess that’s neat. I also learned how to make Sloppy joes, which sounds really easy and in reality it is pretty easy. Here’s my obligatory picture!

              

You can't really see the actual part I made, but trust me, it was good. 

               The really big thing that this month has given me is an insane amount of time to think. Like its just silly how much thinking I’ve been able to do this last month. There’s still a whole freaking week left in it to! My goodness. One of the really big things I’ve been thinking about though is me. No not in the ego driven oh my look how cool and awesome and good looking I am and everyone who doesn’t see that just doesn’t get me way. Ugh. Goodness that would be just awful. I’ll be frank, I’m not a very positive person to begin with (Shocking!) but the fact of the matter is that the person I’m hardest on has and probably will always be myself. I use the term Self-loathing when I describe it to other people and I often mask it jokes. While I do definitely think that if you don’t know how to laugh at yourself, for better or worse, you are going to have a bad time. For real.  However, just acknowledging your flaws through jokes is not enough. If a person isn’t even trying to fix those flaws with themselves and just continues to just joke about it, I kind of find it disgusting. This sucks, because I’ve been feeling like I have been like that for a while now. I’m making so little effort to really move forward with my life right now. I refuse to adopt an exercise schedule simply because of my laziness. I’ve been falling back on calling out people when they are being stupid, which is something I actually liked about myself. I wasn’t afraid to tell someone that what they were doing isn’t smart at all. I really haven’t been doing that. I’m working on that though, so I guess it’s not a total loss there. I’ve continually allowed my diet to remain absolutely abysmal. I’m not looking for new and interesting music, just listening to the same stuff over and over. The only thing I really have going for me right now is that I am in fact going to be attending school in the fall. As my sister so eloquently put it, “Yay for real life plans!” Lastly I feel like I’ve totally lost touch with what I can do with my sarcasm. I used to be able to pretty accurately pin down what jokes I could or could not make without legitimately upsetting someone. I just feel like I cross the line every bleeding time right now

.

               I guess I just needed to really take the time to call myself out on what a miserable human being I’ve been for the past few months. The goals I made for the summer were supposed to change that. I guess I’m really down right now because it’s really the first time that I’ve looked back and thought, “Man that guy from 6 months ago wasn’t such an idiot.” To clarify, I’ve always felt like I’ve made good progress as a person every few months and I just don’t feel like I have these last few. Only thing to do though is just step my game up, moping about it on the interenet doesn’t change anything. 

Starting Goals and a Bit of Real Talk

               Well I`ve crossed one and a fourth goals off of my list already, I mean one of them was my completion of a Pikmin run in thirteen in-game days. Each day is 15 minutes so my run was about three hour and fifteen minutes in total. That is my fastest run to date yet. Honestly I think I can cut a few days off if I did another run within the next few weeks, but I probably won`t be booting it back up again so quickly. Great game, although I know it well enough to make the game really easy. It`s less about wether or not I can win, but rather how long is will take before I win. Oh well, still a great game and definitely looking forward to playing the third one when it comes out.

               The fourth portion of a goal I completed though was a new dish I learned to cook. Lemon Chicken. Nothing complicated, but something that I wasn`t 100% sure how to make. So I learned how to make it. Cooking is like a lot of fun, did anyone else realize that? Maybe I’m just saying that because I only legitimately cook every once and a while, but I really do enjoy it when I do, definitely going to be cooking more in the future. Food tastes great and its cheaper, what more could I ask for? Anyways, the Lemon Chicken went well enough, didn’t light anything on fire or burn myself/the food so I’d call it a successful activity.

Yum. 

               Beyond that though, I had an intresting weekend as well, kinda. It was a good friend of mine’s homecoming, Keaton Moore. Loved seeing him again. Really cool to talk to him and  such. It’s always kind of awkward with these things being an early return, but that part wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Got to see some other faces I hadn’t seen in a while. Kind of sad to see where some of them are right now. Particularliy the people that I feel are being pushed into bad circumstances rather than being there as a result of their own decisions. One in particular was apparenly going through some rough stuff. I use the word “apparently” because I was kind of shocked about how well they seemed to be doing despite being in a rough patch. I’m happy they seem to be doing well but fear that it may be a act to keep the appearance of strong. That’s just pure speculation though, and only time will tell if any of it is true. I hope its not.

               Lastly another one of these 30 topic things. #25. Wouldl you rather date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with a plain personality? Peronsonality wins here hands down. I really think that if a person has an amazing personality and you do get the chance to get to know that personality then looks really won’t matter. I would be attracted to that person because of how awesome they are of a person. End of story. That sad truth is that lots of guys (myself included) don’t give the more normal looking girls that do have incredible personalitys the chance to show off that personality. I’ll admit that I did not introduce myself to many of the girls I consider now to be my best friends. I kind of had to be put into situations where I got to know them and I’m lucky that I did, because they are incredible people. They aren’t even plain looking either. I was just pretty stupid then. Still am. Probably will be for some time, but you know what I’m getting at here.  I didn’t give them the chance to let their personalities shine on my own, but rather simply learned about it by chance. I don’t regret it really, excpet I do think about how many really cool girls I didn’t get to know in my life because I simply didn’t give them a chance? Shouldn’t dwell on this, definitely going to get depressed if I do. Let’s stop right now. Thanks for reading if you get this far. 

Let the Heckling Begin!

            So I haven’t written here in like forever, but I’m not even going to go into that, because I’m here now to start getting a schedule together. That’s all this post is going to be about, me putting together a few goals before I head back off to post-secondary education.  

            Firstly I want to become consistent with this blog, to help with that I’m going to give this blog a clear definition. I will talk about things that are interesting to me. That means that there are going to be E-sports posts, there will be ones where I rant about stupid things people do, I will talk about my personal thoughts on a variety of subjects. I will occasionally rant about what a dork I am. I will talk about cute girls; I will talk about a good restaurant I might go to. I will post pictures that are related to all these topics.  There will be many Calvin and Hobbes references. I am definitely going to talk about music in games and movies, as well as games and movies. I will probably say things that people will subsequently call me out on. It’ll be a good time. I will criticize almost everything.

           - I’m going to read 3 full books by the end of the summer. Any suggestions?

          -  I’m going to reach Diamond rank on Starcraft 2, and complete a play through of Pikmin and The Legend of Zelda: Wink Waker and Ocarina of Time.

           - I’m going to learn to cook 4 new dishes.      

         -   I am going to find a steady exercise schedule and be consistent with it.

          -  I will go on at least 2 dates.  

          -  I will discover one new band that no one else knows about (Hipster cred inc!)

            We’ll cut if off there for the sake of being realistic. I think Starcraft, exercise, and dates will be the hard ones on this list. Ok blogging consistently will be the toughest, but that’s a given.  Still, dates will be difficult just because of what a recluse I am and breaking out of that shell. Exercise because well because I’m pretty freaking lazy. Starcraft because it’s a really difficult game to get good at, and I’m prone to getting really really frustrated at myself when I play it. I think if I accomplish the other two difficult tasks though I should just become a happier person which will make it easier to tolerate the rage inducing nightmare that is the battle.net ladder.  

            Why blog this though? Because the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my life knows when you are beyond your own capabilities. Not that I can’t do these things. Just that I know that I won’t on my own. So I humbly ask whoever reads this, to please pester and bother me about accomplishing these things. Pick the ones you want me to do and hassle me. I think that’s manageable. Another excuse to get on my case? Gladly. That’s what I imagine most of you are thinking about this. That’s all for now, happy pestering!

            Don't think I forgot about that 30 topic thing though, nice and quick. Something little that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. The ending to Rudy. Goodness me I love that movie and I hate how it can just play with my emotions like that, but it can. If you haven't seen it, let me know. I have a copy and will gladly loan it to you. Heck I could even watch it with you if you want to see me nearly break into tears. 

So good.....

I Wanna Work in E-sports but I'm Still Just a Lurker

               I think everyone kinda has this job they really want but don’t really know how it’s even possible to get it. Some of them get really motivated and find out and then do it. Some find out and don’t. Some though never really even let it become anything more than a fleeting dream. I haven’t decided which of those three I am yet. Partly because I haven’t really ever settled on what I think would be that dream job. All I really know is that it’s in online media. Online shows, sites, article that sort of thing. I really think working in the E-sports scene would be just an absolute blast.

 Getting into E-sports is a complicated idea in itself though. Mostly because there really isn’t a set way to get into it. One of the more commonly accepted ways is the simple procedure of constantly producing content. Really that’s the best way. If you really try to boost the community the community will accept you and help you out. Artosis is the best example of this in my opinion. This guy hopped on a plane to Korea with no idea what was going to happen, but he constantly produced content and built himself up as a respectable person in the community, eventually his work was rewarded and he is now arguably the most respected and well known casters in the entirety of the Starcraft II community, stable job as the Code S (Premier League of sorts) caster with his best friend Tasteless. Total nerd baller.

Where E-sports is at now, I believe a good solid way to get into the industry would be to do two things. First get off to school and learn a skill that is relevant to E-sports, secondly continue to be active in the community and produce content. It’s critical that you strive to make sure that the content you make is the best you possibly can. This includes taking criticisms and building off of them. Not that I really know much, I mean I’m not all that active in the E-sports community myself. You know what? I’m gonna change that. This is one of my absolute favourite things in the entire universe and I don’t help build it up. That has to change. Time to get active! (In E-sports) WHOOOOOO!!!!!

Ten Bucks to whoever finds the French guy. (HInt, it should be obvious)

Turn ons...Risque?

               If the world was going to end tomorrow what would you do with the time you had left?

               First off I’d make sure my conscious was at peace and say some quick but meaningful goodbyes to the important people in my life. Then I’d do really stupid and risky stuff until I accidently killed myself, cause I decide what the terms of my death are, not you, you silly hypothetical disaster.

               A T.V. show I’ve become addicted to.

Sherlock. Like the BBC one that only has like 6 episodes in total. It’s brilliant. Watched the last three this weekend. Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman make a brilliant Holmes and Watson respectively. It’s just how a modern day Sherlock would be like and I love it. Go watch it now or something.

Turn on’s and off’s.

Oh boy will this be fun. Or disastrous. Well it’s going to be fun for someone I suppose. Let’s begin with the turn offs.

1.      Overdone makeup. I don’t even think this one is all that unique to me. It just show that someone is trying to hard. We all know that try-harding is frowned upon. Unless you are playing ranked games. What would the social equivalent of that be? Speed dating? No, maybe something like if you and some of your friends kept track of how many guys asked for your number and compared at the end of each week or something. Weird. Try-harding is bad.

2.      Not trying. I know I just poked fun at girls that put too much effort in but really, yoga pants + hoody with no sign of care is just plain bothersome. Some people can attest to this as I may or may not have even put incentives forward in the form of bets to get certain girls to “try” again. It was for the best, and I regret nothing.

3.      Uninformed opinions being put out and then defended mindlessly. I notice this most when the topic of da gamez comes up. To many girls pass it off as a complete waste of time and then proceed to get upset when I call their terrible TV shows (See MTV/TLC for details) a waste of time as well.  I would actually be ok with them thinking video games were stupid if they would just accept that those shows are stupid as well. At least we’d be on even ground then. (Even though that’s not true, da gamez are 100 times superior to that kind of television. IMO) None the less that apparently just can’t happen. So stupid people remain stupid.

4.      One-trick ponies. You all know those people who only know how to tell one kind of joke, or always steer the conversation towards one thing. I’m definitely guilty of this at times, but you know what I’m trying to say here. The people that are only interested in a single activity. That kinda stuff. Like I love da gamez, but I really like doing other things as well.

That’s enough of that for now, let’s move on to the good things in life or girls, whatever same thing.

1.      Wit. Is it too much to ask that when I go off into a tangent that a girl is capable of keeping up? Maybe so, but if they can. WHOOOOO! Running with that, a girl that can not only handle my sarcasm, but throw it right back at me is instantly attractive.

2.      Being able to rock a casual look, like jeans/t-shirt or something on a similar tier of fashionness. I prefer this to girls who wear like really formal clothing not because I don’t appreciate all the hard work they put into things like that. (Believe me, I appreciate it) but because it’s the look I’m going to see most often, if its one that works well for you then that’s just great right?

3.      Being able to play a unique instrument. Piano/Guitar are boring frankly, cool, but everyone and their grandma in southern Alberta can. Violin? Sexy. Cello? Baller. Trumpet? Pretty neat.

4.      A girl who CAN play games. I am in no way saying I want a gamer girl. I honestly don’t know any girls that can come close to my level of knowledge of games, and while that would be pretty cool, I’d really like to meet a girl that can simply appreciate why these games are really cool would be legit. Maybe even could enjoy cuddling up to watch come MLG’s would be AWESOME! This also extends to sports as well. It’s cool if a girl really can play a mean game of soccer or something, but an all-out sports girls is just too much. It goes back to the try-hard thing. Stereotypical gamer girls are either using it only to appeal to nerdy guys, or have an obsession with them. Finding balance is what I like. That was all over the place.

5.      Green eyes. They’re nice.

6.      Girls who don’t just listen to what’s popular, but can appreciate it.

7.      Reasonable independence. Like when a girl can handle herself, but doesn’t need to tell every R-tard she runs into about how she can handle herself.

8.      Looks wise, a few inches shorter than me (so they can wear heels is they so desire, see how considerate I am?) moderately curvy, but really the looks are focused up on the face. I’m a face guy, it’s really the best part of a girl to look at. Dark hair, medium length. Cute smile, you know, standard stuff right?

`              I am now realizing that I described a green eyed Asian girl. Interesting. Very Interesting.

Well this was another fun one to do. I really enjoy these sort of things. Lots of fun to be had. And that leaves us with only 12 topics left! That’s like another 6 months of content based on how often I post!

If you understand this picture and where it occurs I would like to take you on a date. Also please have two X chromosomes. Applicants can send resume's to JToll21@Gmail.com or comment here.
Source for pic: Reddit

Confession bear. Except you won't hate it. Maybe.

Three Confessions.

               Ok so confessions kinda has this negative connotation so this is going to be a “Things you may not know about me”

               The person I trust the most on this planet is my ex. Yep. Despite all the insanity that surrounds her, the ludicrous immaturity that is sometimes apparent I trust Tannis Wilde above all other people I know with information. At first thought I can’t figure out why exactly. Actually I think that it’s just the way we interact with each other. We both understand very well what our friendship is and that allows us to be absolutely comfortable around each other. Yeah, that’s it. Plus she can go from being a 13 year old boy in maturity to a mature adult in an instant. I can trust that when she needs to be, she’ll be mature. I have faith in her.

               I have the best friend on the entire world. Literally. Like she’s a total baller. Her name is Lysa. She’s super clutch. When I say that I mean that when the chips are down I know that this girl will come through. It’s bittersweet when I think about when I first started hanging out with her, because I knew this girl for years and never really paid her any attention. Stupid me. Luckily the cards were in my favour and I was more formally introduced in high school. When I say that I mean that we developed mutual friends and started hanging out with her. Oh the fates. This isn’t really going anywhere and I’m kinda ranting. The point is that Lysa is awesome. She treats me twice as well as I deserve and don’t treat her half as well as she deserves. I’ll work on that or something. Once again, baller. (boo-do-chick-do-do baller!)

               I’m lonely. Oh man, he’s not about to go all dark and emo’y is he? Yeah a little bit. I haven’t had a girlfriend in years and I’m so so so so sick of it. I’m so done with being alone. I want to date, but I really don’t feel like I know how to do it right now. Also I have these like ridiculous standards set for girls I would potentially date. I think I’m too picky, I should work on that. Yeah I’m really tired of being single though, especially since none of my friends seem to have any problems getting dates/ maintaining relationships and it’s absolutely infuriating. I want to get angry at them, but I know that it isn’t their fault and those sort of factors are totally out of my control, and if you really can’t control it, whats the point of getting upset. I state that there is not a point. So don’t. That’s why I don’t get frustrated about how easy dating seems to come to people around me when I struggle with it an absolute ton.

               Well that happened. Let’s have a nice picture to brighten things up and make me feel good.  

This is a screenshot of the new Sim City game. Man am I gonna play this a lot. It's gonna be friggen awesome.

               

Backgrounds and Some Fine Girls.

               So I know I’ve missed a few days, but you know what? Some of these questions are just dumb. Like one line answers. How boring, so I’m going to change it up a bit, I will still answer all the questions, just probably answer 2-4 boring ones at a time and then give good ones a full post. Sound good? Too bad it’s happening.

               Today we’ll do 2, Screen Capping my desktop and 5 celebrity crushes, should be short on text, but pictures will make it look really long at first. (That’s what she said…)

               I normally have my desktop rotating between ninety or so pictures so I’ll pick two I like a lot and then put the link for where I got them all right here.

               So this first one is obviously from the Legend of Zelda. It’s a really cool detailed picture of the fabled Master Sword from the series. I mostly like this one because I’m a major time Zelda fan boy, (Like I’m going to be forced to buy a Wii U when either a new Zelda game comes out or Pikmin 3) In all seriousness though, this picture is awesome and anyone who is a fan of the series should love it.

               This second picture here is just neat isn’t it? You’ve got this planet in the bottom left corner and you can see that it’s like got all this industry and lights and things which is cool, but you also  have this whole spiralling galaxy over in the opposite corner. Kind of makes you realize what a small part of our universe we really are doesn’t it? Earth is really just this tiny speck in the universe, and yet it’s everything for us. Oh the universe and it’s strange and complicating ways.

               Celebrity crushes! Omg this is gonna be so fun amirite? Like for realz bro.  Edit: This was actually a lot of fun, I got to look at a lot of good looking girls and not feel like an absolute creep about it. Whoo!

               We’ll start with a given, Emma Watson. I seriously don’t think I need to explain this one, because I’d bet that if ask 1000 guys my age like 900 would have her on this same kinda list. I think she’s gonna stay up on these sorta list for a long time, cause she has the remarkable ability to pull off any look.

               Anna Kendrick - I don’t know man, she’s just cute. Totally gives off that girl next door vibe. Also she had red hair in the last movie I saw her in, so she gets to stand as a shining example of my rule of gingers. It either works, or it doesn’t. There are no, “Ok” gingers. They are either really good looking, or not. Flat out. I said it. Moving on.

               Rachel Mcadams ­– Another cutie. What makes her look work for her in my opinion as a humble observer is the eyes and the smile. Outstanding.

               Evanna Lynch – The only blonde to make this list. Spoiler alert! She follows a very similar path of Emma Watson in the sense that she was noticed in Harry Potter and frankly at first, I didn’t think much of it, but my oh my did the later movies treat her good. She’s arguably the best looking girl from the Harry Potter franchise. Before anyone even tries to say that Ginny is in there as well just stop. You will never win this one. She’s just not on the same level as the other two. So just stop. Anyways, yeah, she’s really cute. There isn’t a whole lot to say throughout this is there?

         

   Lastly, but certainly not least. Olivia Wilde- Goodness me those eyes. Just lovely. I’m gonna go ahead and say she’s the winner on this list and everyone else just gets to fight for second. I am a major fan of her.

               To give some sort of summary, we have 4 darker haired women and one blonde. I think this is a very accurate way to display my natural affinity for darker hair. It’s not like blonde is bad, its just that dark hair is better most of the time. Also I want to state that in my line of thinking all girls fall under three categories, cute, pretty and hot. None of these girls are hot. Two prettys and three cutes. I’ll let you decide which ones you think they are.

               Finally to save some skin, I honestly think that there are many girls that I know personally that are at least on an even playing field as these girls, if not they have the advantage. Ok that last part is a mild exaggeration. Definitely even playing field, but probably no big advantages. Crap, I just lost all that skin I saved. Oh well. 

Images are a coutesy of: Destiny (Destiny.gg) /r/EmmaWatson (It's a thing) Imdb and Google Images.