Change of Plans Folks!

               Right, so I’m going to go ahead and change up the summer goal deal. I’m only changing the goals in regards to gaming so really no one ought to care much for it. Originally I set out to complete a run through of Ocarina of Time, The Wind Waker and reach Diamond rank in Starcraft II. While it’s defiantly not that far out of reach to complete this, (Ocarnia of Time already done, Wind Waker can probably be complete in a single day with some dedication and a red bull and I finished Top 8 in platinum for the previous ladder season of Starcraft, which is basically as close to diamond you can get without actually making it.) I've decided it’s not really what I want from my gaming experience right now.  

               What do I mean when I say that’s not what I want from a gaming experience right now? Simple really, I play games for one of two reasons. First being I like becoming immersed in a new world and all of the cool details that go along with it. That normally lies within a Single player game when the narrative or game play is the driving feature. The Second reason is that I’m competitive and I can win at them. This is where Starcraft and League of Legends come in, and at the moment it’s really all I've been playing, and I’m getting increasingly more frustrated every time I play them. I play games because I enjoy them, and in reality I’m just not enjoying games like Starcraft or League right now. So I’m taking an indefinite break from them until I feel like I've “ Calmed the freak down.”

My average face while playing League, Witnesses can confirm unfortunately.  

               My plan to calm down is going to come by rediscovering the first reason I play games. I've always greatly enjoyed the experience of becoming part of a completely different world. That’s why I particularly love games like Mass Effect, Skyrim, Dragon Age, and The Legend of Zelda. They are all these fantastical worlds that simply don’t exist in reality but are very interesting to explore and learn about. So for the time being I’m going to focus on playing single player games and trying to remember why I love games in the first place. It’s like a good movie really, because you kinda forget that you’re just a viewer or player and simply become part of the world. It’s partially why I like games so much, just by the very nature of you participating in a game makes them feel more immersive. You know? Maybe not, but it’s true.

               Taking a break from games like League does leave me in a mild dilemma though, how on earth am I supposed to help my friend Seth with his not sure if serious or not idea of making a gaming Youtube channel if I’m not playing the leagues with him? Let’s play’s? Come on, no one really wants to watch someone like me with no presence in any gaming community play through what can easily be a 20 hour game like Mass Effect. So with the power of editing I plan on making simple highlight stuff. Parts of games that I think people need to know why they make those games good. Maybe look at freak out about how dumb I think that game design has changed so dramatically in the past twenty years. (It’s no actually dumb, it’s just be being a baby.) Who knows what’ll happen, I know it’ll be fun though. That’s why I’m doing it. Also the rare chance for dat YouTube money obviously. 

How Real am I?

               Jeez, I am just awful at keeping up with this eh?

               Anyways, let’s get a quick update going here. Since my last post I have become unemployed. I have been unemployed for this entire month. I decided to leave my previous employment for lack of better words, “Scheduling conflicts.” Getting consistent work was a struggle and I just decided that it wasn’t worth the hassle anymore.  It may have been smarter to just stay on until I had another job lined up, but it is what it is.  It’s also been quite the drain on my bank account. I learned how to do my own taxes though, so I guess that’s neat. I also learned how to make Sloppy joes, which sounds really easy and in reality it is pretty easy. Here’s my obligatory picture!

              

You can't really see the actual part I made, but trust me, it was good. 

               The really big thing that this month has given me is an insane amount of time to think. Like its just silly how much thinking I’ve been able to do this last month. There’s still a whole freaking week left in it to! My goodness. One of the really big things I’ve been thinking about though is me. No not in the ego driven oh my look how cool and awesome and good looking I am and everyone who doesn’t see that just doesn’t get me way. Ugh. Goodness that would be just awful. I’ll be frank, I’m not a very positive person to begin with (Shocking!) but the fact of the matter is that the person I’m hardest on has and probably will always be myself. I use the term Self-loathing when I describe it to other people and I often mask it jokes. While I do definitely think that if you don’t know how to laugh at yourself, for better or worse, you are going to have a bad time. For real.  However, just acknowledging your flaws through jokes is not enough. If a person isn’t even trying to fix those flaws with themselves and just continues to just joke about it, I kind of find it disgusting. This sucks, because I’ve been feeling like I have been like that for a while now. I’m making so little effort to really move forward with my life right now. I refuse to adopt an exercise schedule simply because of my laziness. I’ve been falling back on calling out people when they are being stupid, which is something I actually liked about myself. I wasn’t afraid to tell someone that what they were doing isn’t smart at all. I really haven’t been doing that. I’m working on that though, so I guess it’s not a total loss there. I’ve continually allowed my diet to remain absolutely abysmal. I’m not looking for new and interesting music, just listening to the same stuff over and over. The only thing I really have going for me right now is that I am in fact going to be attending school in the fall. As my sister so eloquently put it, “Yay for real life plans!” Lastly I feel like I’ve totally lost touch with what I can do with my sarcasm. I used to be able to pretty accurately pin down what jokes I could or could not make without legitimately upsetting someone. I just feel like I cross the line every bleeding time right now

.

               I guess I just needed to really take the time to call myself out on what a miserable human being I’ve been for the past few months. The goals I made for the summer were supposed to change that. I guess I’m really down right now because it’s really the first time that I’ve looked back and thought, “Man that guy from 6 months ago wasn’t such an idiot.” To clarify, I’ve always felt like I’ve made good progress as a person every few months and I just don’t feel like I have these last few. Only thing to do though is just step my game up, moping about it on the interenet doesn’t change anything.