Recent statistical analysis of the classic 1-10 scale of attractiveness has revealed a potentially game changing idea. Chief researcher of made up things and known truth speaker Jonathan Tollestrup made a shocking discovery while trying to pay attention to a particularly dry lecture last week. The discovery that absolutely no one uses the numbers one, two or three when asked to describe the attractiveness of a particular person. "It's baffling to think that absolutely no one seems to think of people as drop dead ugly." Eilidh Ward of shamanistic fame told The Critical Canuck. "Like come on, some people just don't got it, you know?"
With this new revelation Mr. Tollestrup has announced that a new system will be put into place to replace the fundamentally broken arbitrary system of describing attractiveness to your bros. The proposed changes would remove the numbers one, two and three from the system but leave the rest of scale intact. The alteration will take effect precisely 26 days from today in order to secure a smooth transition between the two distinctly different systems.
During an exclusive interview yesterday with the famed Chief researcher, it was revealed to The Critical Canuck that even with the delay the transition may be difficult for some. "Beginning the scale at four and ending at ten will completely alter our understanding of who is and is not a total bombshell. Those who thought they were reasonably attractive at a seven will have to learn to live with the fact that they are actually just an average looking person now." After finishing the press conference researcher Tollestrup was greeted by hundreds of grateful people who were looking forward to being objectified in a more accurate manner.
Several critics of this new system have already noted that with these changes that there would be a forty percent decrease in available options for people to describe how good-looking another person is. Resident expert on rating people Kim Passey expressed her faith in the creative nature of those who use simple numbers to describe the attractiveness of a person. She even went on the record to state, "They are the most original and clever people I've ever met, I'm sure they will think of something. Maybe decimals?" Critics would quickly reply to Ms. Passey's comment noting how it made a lot of sense and that they had no further concerns.
Analysts of human attractiveness are anticipating a surge in reports of attractiveness as the new archaic and pointless system replaces the old archaic and pointless system.
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