Jeez, I
am just awful at keeping up with this eh?
Anyways,
let’s get a quick update going here. Since my last post I have become
unemployed. I have been unemployed for this entire month. I decided to leave my
previous employment for lack of better words, “Scheduling conflicts.” Getting
consistent work was a struggle and I just decided that it wasn’t worth the
hassle anymore. It may have been smarter
to just stay on until I had another job lined up, but it is what it is. It’s also been quite the drain on my bank
account. I learned how to do my own taxes though, so I guess that’s neat. I
also learned how to make Sloppy joes, which sounds really easy and in reality
it is pretty easy. Here’s my obligatory picture!
.JPG) |
| You can't really see the actual part I made, but trust me, it was good. |
The really
big thing that this month has given me is an insane amount of time to think.
Like its just silly how much thinking I’ve been able to do this last month.
There’s still a whole freaking week left in it to! My goodness. One of the
really big things I’ve been thinking about though is me. No not in the ego
driven oh my look how cool and awesome and good looking I am and everyone who
doesn’t see that just doesn’t get me way. Ugh. Goodness that would be just
awful. I’ll be frank, I’m not a very positive person to begin with (Shocking!)
but the fact of the matter is that the person I’m hardest on has and probably
will always be myself. I use the term Self-loathing when I describe it to other
people and I often mask it jokes. While I do definitely think that if you don’t
know how to laugh at yourself, for better or worse, you are going to have a bad
time. For real. However, just acknowledging
your flaws through jokes is not enough. If a person isn’t even trying to fix
those flaws with themselves and just continues to just joke about it, I kind of
find it disgusting. This sucks, because I’ve been feeling like I have been like
that for a while now. I’m making so little effort to really move forward with
my life right now. I refuse to adopt an exercise schedule simply because of my
laziness. I’ve been falling back on calling out people when they are being
stupid, which is something I actually liked about myself. I wasn’t afraid to
tell someone that what they were doing isn’t smart at all. I really haven’t
been doing that. I’m working on that though, so I guess it’s not a total loss
there. I’ve continually allowed my diet to remain absolutely abysmal. I’m not
looking for new and interesting music, just listening to the same stuff over
and over. The only thing I really have going for me right now is that I am in
fact going to be attending school in the fall. As my sister so eloquently put
it, “Yay for real life plans!” Lastly I feel like I’ve totally lost touch with
what I can do with my sarcasm. I used to be able to pretty accurately pin down
what jokes I could or could not make without legitimately upsetting someone. I
just feel like I cross the line every bleeding time right now
.
I guess
I just needed to really take the time to call myself out on what a miserable human
being I’ve been for the past few months. The goals I made for the summer were
supposed to change that. I guess I’m really down right now because it’s really
the first time that I’ve looked back and thought, “Man that guy from 6 months
ago wasn’t such an idiot.” To clarify, I’ve always felt like I’ve made good
progress as a person every few months and I just don’t feel like I have these
last few. Only thing to do though is just step my game up, moping about it on
the interenet doesn’t change anything.
